Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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