I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
