Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
