Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My vagina is very pro this idea
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
