I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
