I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
