She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
