Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
