Small penises have feelings too.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
