Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
