I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize