I will die if light touches me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
