I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
