I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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