i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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