I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
