why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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