you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
