dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
