I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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