How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
