Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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