FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
