respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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