you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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