If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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