I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
