I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
