i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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