By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
