didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
