She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
