i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Shame is for Republicans.
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