if only i could text you this smell
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
