omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
