shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
