I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
