You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Found the puke drawer
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
