im drinking this country out of the recession.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
