If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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