just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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