sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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