she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
