Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
