Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
