They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
