she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we have officially lost it.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
