mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
