im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
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I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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