would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
