did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
