you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
