My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
