hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
