wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
