I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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