i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
