mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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