My brain says no but my pants say off.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
