I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
