My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So much rum. So many feels.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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