I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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