He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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