I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
